McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
