So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
