for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
