New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
