im about as happy as oj after his trial
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
