remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
