Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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