Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
