you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
