He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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