could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
