I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
