we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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