is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
