I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
