the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
