ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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