I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
