I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
