No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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