My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
