There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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