I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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