According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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