im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
