He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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