Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
