He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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