he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
