Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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