I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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