the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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