i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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