Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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