They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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