I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
