Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
