chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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