I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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