finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
