Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We are two peas in an std pod
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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