So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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