I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
