I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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