We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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