Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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