When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
