She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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