Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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