ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
