I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
