u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
