coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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