I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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