He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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