I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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