Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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