So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
