she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
