I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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