No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
