I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
