I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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