The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
