Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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