So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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