just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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