it's too hot outside to masturbate.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
