i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
