A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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